ONCE IN A LIFETIME OFFER! YOUR OWN ALAN FOR ONLY 28p PER MONTH!
Each Alan comes fully equipped with features including;
Comprehensive Selection Of Bad Jokes
Opposable Thumbs
New Model Features Erect Walking!
Table Manners
Realistic Swearing For Social Applications
* Improved Co-Ordination
Reduced Flammability
* Manufacturer's Warning: Keep Away From Coffee Over New Carpets.
Please rush me my own Alan. I agree to pay a total of £3.37 in twelve monthly installments of £0.28 per month (not including postage and packing). If I'm not completely satisfied with my Alan I will return him, unused, within seven days and I will owe nothing. If however I decide to keep my Alan, I agree to the terms stated below. I am aware that in owning an Alan, I can in no way hold the manufacturers responsible for any damage or malfunctions that may come from use. Agreeing to these terms and conditions also entitles me to a FREE magazine subscription of 'My Alan Quarterly'.
Signed :__________________________
Name (Print) : _____________________
Address : ________________________
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Phone No: _______________________
* Vital Statistics: ____ _____ ____
*Required for market research only.
Conditions of Ownership
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1. I agree not to lend, resell or hire out my Alan to a third party.
2. As an owner I will agree to restricting Alan's access to public places where he may be tempted to play the guitar.
3. The owner hereby agrees not to feed their Alan after midnight.
4. I agree to purchase three more Alan models within two years selected from future magazine publications of which I will receive one approximately once every two months.